Which way?

Somehow, these days I have been thinking about this idea of reigning in one;s emotions as one matures, (grows older) and being able to face the world with a different outlook than that of your teens.

I really dont know what got me into this but perhaps it has got to do with me leaving my teen years behind. Maybe yes, maybe no, i really do not know. But thats not the point right now.

I remember my childhood where tantrums were the order of the day and all mistakes were pinned to my elder brother who always got the wrong end, just due to him being older to me. Though these tantrums were lost later on, I believe I still carried that idea that emotions were there for a reason and there was nothing wrong in showing these emotions, in talking to people and in trying to gain different perspectives on a problem, in trying to get help.

Now, I am not so sure. somehow suddenly things are looking different. Is it really okay to open up your innermost feelings to other people? To subject them to probe and interpretations? Or is it better to think, reflect and then set upon a course individually; learning from mistakes along the way and perhaps recognising one's own potentials and pitfalls?

Somehow I am beginning to think that the second course is better and perhaps helps one feel much stronger and confident. but then keeping all those feelings pent up, with only one's mind for relection and criticism does feel kind of scary.

Certainly making me think right now....

A loss

A loss, so bereft of desire
To claim again
What thy held rightfully yours

A loss, that cut you into half
Yet, no pain nor tears
No gushing flow of words

A loss, that gave no time
Not a single moment, to contemplate
Just a single blow
So quick and precise
And what a time; Yet no laments
On your loss.

Dhaka Continuation

Writing again after a long gap...

I must say the gap was a productive one, saw a lot of places , enjoyed a lot, had different experiences and most of all made good use of my time.

After I reached Dhaka, the first thing that struck me was the number of high rise buildings. Comparing the fact that both Bangladesh and Nepal are rougly similiar in size, I expected Dhaka to have pretty much the same kind of buildings as in Kathmandu. I must say I was positively surprised that Dhaka had its share of skyscrapers.

My stay in Dhaka was in Motijheel; which was one of the commercial hubs of the capital. True to its commercial name, Motijheel had an abundance in banks, perhaps even an overabundance one might say. All of this gave me the sort of impression that perhaps we Nepalis are still far behind our neighbours.

Another beautiful aspect of Dhaka was its roads; every circle had a beautiful structure that was very different from one another and certainly much better than the plain statues that are commonly seen in Nepali and Indian cities. Each structure was novel and seemed to depict something or the other.

Like Delhi University, Dhaka University and its grounds also seemed to be a world in itself..quiet grounds, students around a few couples here and there and in fact much free than the rest of Dhaka. It seemed as if the Universityy and its surrounding areas were a different entity from the rest of Dhaka.

To talk about Dhaka without describing its religious places would be incomplete. although I did not go into the mosques, the opulence and brilliance of these beautiful structures could be well seen from the outside.The National Mosque and lots of other mosques along the way were beautiful.

Also beautiful was the Dhakeswori Mandir and much bigger than I imagined it to be. It was a peaceful place and really felt nice to have some calm in the middle of 'busy' Dhaka.

In Dhaka, I also went to the High Court in keeping with my vocation of a law student but for an entirely different reason..its architecture which was so beautiful. Just opposite Curzon Hall, the architechture of the High Court was good enough to rival even Curzon hall.

Dhaka also brings into mind its rickshaws which are almost a lifeline for the denizens and especially for tourists who are either scared to go on the buses or want to have a better view of Dhaka. My Dhaka trip atleast taught me a few bargaining lines in Bengali and gave me the luxury of looking at the Dhaka skyline and roads so that they could be etched onto my memories.

Dhaka was really fun..Lots of it still left to cover and also to talk about the rest of my Bangladesh trip..but I guess all of that will have to wait cause it is already time for the electricity to depart.

What a homecoming for me in Kathmandu..16 hours of load shedding per day!!

Dhaka

Finally in Dhaka....

Riding from the Korunamoyee bus terminal in Calcutta yesterday, I was still not sure of reaching Dhaka. I dont know why but there was a fear in my mind of what was about to happen, I was a tad nervous as well.

As the bus lumbered along, slowly making its way out of Calcutta, I started to realise that I was perhaps actually getting to Dhaka and was filled with anticipation and joy. Once the bus stopped for breakfast and reached the Indian customs and immigration post at around 10. It was a 84 km ride from Calcutta.

As I left the bus to go complete the immigration procedures, I was swarmped by a horde of agents all offering to change Indian currency for Bangladeshi takas or offering to speed up my path through immigration. I declined and made it to the long line at the counter.

As I had dreaded, my Nepali passport brought with it a more stringent checking and asking o questions as to why I was going to Bangladesh, what was my profession and where I studied and all of that. Thankfully , it all got over soon and it was time for me to clear my baggage through customs.

I was apprehensive because I had around 20 US dollars that I had bought from a money changer and I did not want it to be caught without any proper recipt on my part. So reluctanlty I paid a guy hundred takas to get me through customs. However again upon seeing my Nepali passport, the customs people asked me to open my bags and checked one of them. Thankfully, the bag in which I had the dollars were not checked.

So glad that half the process was over, I went back to the bus which crossed over to the Bangladeshi side. Here, it was customs first and immigration later.And to my dismay, there seemed to be no agents to see me through customs for a price. so with a bit of fear in my mind, I went for the checking.

At first, there seemed to be no cause for my worry.There was a cursory check through my baggage and I was relieved. However the relief was really short lived. Another man, this time a military guy started going through my baggage. And he opened the baggage where I had the dollars. o be specific he took out the book where I had kept the dollars; Avtar Singh's "Indian Contract Act 1872".

As I watched with dread and fear, somehow he managed to not find my dollars despite being right there. As he gave my baggage back, I mut have given him a really big thank you because he looked back at me and smiled warmly too. I was so so relieved. After that the Bangladeshi immigration part was not so difficult and finally I was sure that I was going to Dhaka after all.

After that journey had some other good moments as well. I had proper rice and dal after about a week and the food felt so really good. Then the bus was transported along the Buri ganga river on a ferry. It was my first experience on a ferry, in fact on a boat so it felt really great. especially with the sun setting in the background and the breeze in my face, it all felt too good to be true.

Finally I arrived in Dhaka at around 7 30 in the evening. Looking around I realised that I had travelled on a train, bus and a ferry to reach here and finally I had arrived. It took a while for the feeling to sink in, and when it did, it was such a happy and joyous feeling.

Now looking forward to the next few days in Dhaka and possibly elsewhere too...

Travelling On...

Travelling alone and enjoying along the way...that has been one of my dreams from early on and right now my holidays asre promising to be just the same...

Travelling alone from Bangalore to Calcutta on a train was much easier than I had thought. Fortunately, my bogie was full of young students returning home for the holidas and I did not get the time to be bored. And when they turned quiet, i still had the time to finish the 3rd book in the aragon series " Brisingr".

Coming into Calcutta on the 20th in Howrah station I looked at the Howrah Bridge which I had seen and admired many times before in movies but never had the chance to be this close.It felt grand and awe inspiring and just like the perfect entry point into Calcutta.

Now into the 3rd day of my Calcutta stay and to be frank I have not seen as much as I would have wanted to, partly due to making arrangements to go to Dhaka and partly out of lethargy. Also just cant seem to find any of my Calcutta classmates from law school. However still got the time to look at NUJS and meet people from law school who had come there for the debate. A lot similiar like our own law school with even a corp bank right next to them, the grounds were a lot smaller and the buildings much higher...Not bad really..

Anyway, my journey is yet far from over. Waiting to get to Dhaka next...

Lets see what happens then

Holidays

All the patience that one builds up seems to desert one as the goal comes nearer, desperation iand anticipation are never more visible than when you are not so far from your destination but still have some time to go, in this case the holidays...the usual counting back the days makes way for the frenzied counting of the hours with the exams being almost non existent from the mind and all that remains is the anticipation of going home; to Delhi, Chennai, Varanasi or in my case to Kathmandu..

No matter which boarding school and hostel, the anticipation at going home is always there..you cant just wait to reach there. But more often than not after some days you tend to miss those familiar hostel people, those friendly faces you say hi to, those random people who come to your room at all times of the day and the ease to find a conversation on any topic anytime you want.

I know what lies in store for me this holiday...an experience with myself to test my own limits and confidence in my abilities. I want to travel during these holidays and finally the plans are quite falling into shape like the final pieces of a puzzle... and even if things go awry and stray, I am sure there will always be something new, some new experiences to see and learn and some new stories to write about..

Ahh hope everything turns out just the way it is supposed to be...

Change??

" What If you could go back and change something in your life? Would you do it?" I asked Sahil, my roommate at 1 30 in the morning. As usual my plan to sleep early had failed and all I could do was get these different thoughts in my head to pass my precious time. Well, different opinions always help and hence the question to Sahil.

"Not really, but yeah maybe a thing or two, something here and there, " was what he replied. I must say I was not surprised with his response but dismayed at his thought not being of much help to me. I was perhaps hoping he would say that he wanted to change a lot of things and then I could engage him in further conversation on this topic. But his reply left me no such option and I let him study in peace.

Perhaps, my response would be, " Yes, I would like to change a lot of things." And why not? Would it not be great if I could change those small things which made such a difference later on, if I could rectify those mistakes and turn out to be a better me in a better place with better things and thoughts.

Well, it seems great to fantasize about this, but again I wonder if this feeling is a quest for perfectness that cannot be obtained? Is this feeling of change not subject to mood swings and situations? The things that I would like to change based on today could well be the reason to smile tomorrow. Or the things that I change could lead to other unexpected things, things that I might not really be comfortable with.

I really dont know and still dont have the answer. But I feel that situations no matter how hard or tough, have in them scope for hope and the circumstances that could be used to change these situations and turn them around.

So, would I still want to change things of the past? Perhaps yes, but I must say I am more than content with what I have at the present and believe I have hope too of being able to cope and produce things that are better.

Hoping for a wonderful year ahead!!!