"Baal Ho"

No matter what happens, just be confident and go on...

Often used, somehow this does not sound convincing enough when faced with battles on four fronts with inadequate planning,unfamiliar resources and no proper command structure. True, exams once again and all four subjects akin to a battle.

Law school seems to have become the place where every trimester outdoes the one preceding it in terms of weariness and just plain apathy towards the state of things, particularly the exams. And invariably, the results have followed up with an inverse relation to the degree of apathy.Sounds scary, especially when this is just the 3rd out of 15 trimesters. Hopefully, this is a cycle of 3 trimesters and next year will again start on a good note.

In my high school, we had a word "baal" that was used discriminately in these kinds of situations.Everything was baal. A word that was applicable to all situations, it is hard to define, but roughly, it is something like a damn care attitude with an idea that life will go on, despite the current problems. More than a word, it was something that was felt and thus understood without the necessary to limit it to a narrow definition.

I guess, it was just lived.

Looks like my current exams are going the "baal"way.
As would have been said in high school, still the same, try your best and the rest is still "baal ho".

Neruda's "Your Laughter"

Such beautiful lines of Neruda's translated works, makes me wish I knew spanish so that I could understand them in their full flow and passion.

Your Laughter

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

Outside

I looked outside,
Saw the bloom
in its finest

The leaves rose and fell
With each passing wind
I sat by counting those that left
My count being less and less

I watched the mighty tree denuded
Slowly with each falling leaf
Standing all alone, forlorn

Striking a chord within me
A mighty tree all alone despite itself

Those damned thoughts again..

Lost again, somewhere beneath all those thoughts clamouring to be heard first, leaving behind all sense of rationality. Its hard to be impulsive and equally difficult not to let in to your impulses. Its hard to notice those signs you have been dreading all along, but harder still to pretend you know nothing.

Maybe that is where lies the difference, between potential and reality. Perhaps people who make it to their aims have the belief in themselves to back their decisions, rather than agonising over their decisions.

Perhaps you make a decision and stick to it.

But then, I am fighting a losing battle with my thoughts..

Just rambling on

Funny how time flies by. One moment, you are a newbie at a place and the next,it seems like you have been there for ages. And this experience happens over and over again. Its at such moments when you reminisce that you perhaps tend to see some sort of pattern in your adaptation; whether it be things or places or people.

Then comes the realisation that things can be far more exciting, if perhaps you can find a way to tweak this pattern or even break free from it especially if things have not been going your way. And the answer is usually right there in front of you, waiting for you take it up and explore and widen those self imposed limits.

I guess, all it entails is a bit more of effort and a bit more of sincerity and clarity; whether it be studies or interests or the people that matter to you. In fact, with people you realise how much things can change when you learn to concede at times and realise that you have provided joy to those people who matter to you and correspondingly gain joy yourselves. It makes you understand the value of being there for your loved ones and the joy you feel when they are there for you too.

I guess that is what makes the world go round..

I have no idea where this article is heading to:), i guess just a ramble of my thoughts.

Rains

The rain, oft written about in different modes of lyrical eloquence or simple clarity are simply a sight to behold. And I must add myself to that list of those who enjoy it; the rain lovers.

No matter the time of the day, watching the rain through a window and feeling the cold and even chilly wind can only conjure up happy moments for me. Even better is the getting wet part, initially a bit and then after a while; abandoning all caution,I get wet.

Its even better when u feel the droplets on your face, especially the small ones. Somehow, they seem capable of a sort of primal joy that few other activities bring about. Looking forward to enjoying the season and without catching a cold, hopefully.

Just a game

Some more random lines, again written during class hours

Wheeling and dealing
Clattering on the floor
Things go wrong, And
You fall back to the ropes
Buoyed back by those cries
On your feet, And
Back to those highs

But then, its
Just a game, my friend
Just a game.

Back and forth
things they run
Some steps back, But
The game moves on
Some surge ahead
Just as the game ends
As if,
Right on cue
Leaving those down, with
Lost chances to rue

But yet again, its
Just a game, my friend
JUst a game........