Wakeup Call

Its so strange when things happen seamlessly without any effort that you never give a thought to the results and the process behind it..and when things go awry, no matter what the effort, luck seems to have deserted you, you remember just how bad things can be...

A jolt today, especially looking at the ratio of the effort I put in and the marks I will probably get...

Guess this is a wakeup call to work more..

Options

The going gets tougher
The road is dark
Choices are few and mine to make

I want a hand to be with me
to reassure me that all will be fine
Search for it everywhere

The hands have long gone
leaving me for my own
To make me strong

I dunno what has happened
Strength has come and gone
Just like the fleeting glimpse of hope

It feels funny
That feelings have gone
Leaving me empty

Both within and outside
Yet options are mine to make
But the decisions have been taken
Without me....

Are the options still mine?

Me first...what next?

Sometimes it is hard to understand, to understand the myriad of thoughts; thoughts mostly depressing and confusing. And perhaps all the more harder when these thoughts are your own..when you do not know whether to follow your heart or your brain, when things come too close to ignore.

But then these thoughts never leave me alone and I guess my new found belief in myself is due to these thoughts of mine..trying to ignore a few thoughts and leaving a few other thoughts for the future. Perhaps, I am prioritising selfishly for the first time in my life; perhaps.....

But then, it feels different to be "me first" for a while in my thoughts and actions. Lets see where this leads..

Silence

Sometimes it is just right
to let go
To be tired and silent

For silence is a virtue
few possess and fewer exercise
When damage is done,
Not by actions
But by words you say.

Maybe patience is a term
that just gels with silence
Leading you away from the spiral
That goes downwards with words

Its hard to wait
To have to bear your words
Destroying everything that you held true
Not a single fabric left right

Yet, there is no way out
No contemplation; no options
Just the wait and the hope filled with silence.

Beatles

I must say I was introduced to The Beatles pretty late...but just cant seem to get them out of my mind right now....

Everything seems to connect..all the notes register..never felt so good listening to music...
All you need is love, love is all you need...

Which way?

Somehow, these days I have been thinking about this idea of reigning in one;s emotions as one matures, (grows older) and being able to face the world with a different outlook than that of your teens.

I really dont know what got me into this but perhaps it has got to do with me leaving my teen years behind. Maybe yes, maybe no, i really do not know. But thats not the point right now.

I remember my childhood where tantrums were the order of the day and all mistakes were pinned to my elder brother who always got the wrong end, just due to him being older to me. Though these tantrums were lost later on, I believe I still carried that idea that emotions were there for a reason and there was nothing wrong in showing these emotions, in talking to people and in trying to gain different perspectives on a problem, in trying to get help.

Now, I am not so sure. somehow suddenly things are looking different. Is it really okay to open up your innermost feelings to other people? To subject them to probe and interpretations? Or is it better to think, reflect and then set upon a course individually; learning from mistakes along the way and perhaps recognising one's own potentials and pitfalls?

Somehow I am beginning to think that the second course is better and perhaps helps one feel much stronger and confident. but then keeping all those feelings pent up, with only one's mind for relection and criticism does feel kind of scary.

Certainly making me think right now....

A loss

A loss, so bereft of desire
To claim again
What thy held rightfully yours

A loss, that cut you into half
Yet, no pain nor tears
No gushing flow of words

A loss, that gave no time
Not a single moment, to contemplate
Just a single blow
So quick and precise
And what a time; Yet no laments
On your loss.