The clouds are heavy and the sky is dark..the signs are ominous and the hunter is gaining on his prey; silent and resigned to its fate..resigned to being hunted...

Night

The night is long past..and I should be sleeping or perhaps working up on the moot problem. Perhaps music would have been a better alternative.Instead I am lying in my bed, looking through the window and trying to feel the cold of the wind while clutching harder at my blanket at the same time.
It seems just the night, when my mind feels free enough to wander, look at the dark clouds, thoughts fleeting in all different directions..no leash, no control and no theme...
What is so special then, about this night? Maybe the chill or just the sound of the splatter of rain or the idea that I lie safe here while everything is too cold and wet outside.
Safe from the weather and from my probing mind, which for once is off across the world..
Its a special night.

Acquainted with the Night. (Robert Frost)

Wonderful lines, makes one realise solitude and loneliness and the need to share your thoughts and feelings.

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-by;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

Joy..

Its nice to be wet..just a bit..in the drizzle, especially when its your last walk of the day and you feel tired. Nothing beats the wind on the face, the slight chill and the few drops on your face.
Pure joy!!!

Moving on..

Life, through its incidents is seemingly becoming a flashback. Every single incident that has caused me to think and question my ideas and beliefs has inevitably been followed by a sense of anguish and hopelessness coupled with despair. Is it a pattern? Its almost as if everything has been planned; the stage has been set, the props have been put up and all I have to do is present my act; and that’s it.
I ask myself. Is it out of my own volition? Or is there a sense of resigned acceptance borne out of a fear; fear of going astray if I may attempt anything on my own? Or is the acceptance of this abyss in dread of avoiding an even darker, deeper one? I do not know.
It’s almost as if I am not attempting a monologue but am talking to someone I do not know but bears a resemblance to the one I knew, a striking one at that. And the attempts to understand this new entity seem to be entirely futile.
It is strange that self pity feels so good at times but even that is offset when after living off its useful life, the same self pity weighs on you. All the whining and crying suddenly just disappear and you understand that you are not the saddest person on the planet and you have more than enough to thank your lucky stars for. That is when self pity truly becomes pathetic.
I guess, in the end it all comes down to a logical conclusion; no matter what whether it makes sense or not, whether you like it or not, you got to move on. There will always be newer challenges and newer projects to look forward to, newer lands to visit and newer people to laugh along. Perhaps it should be out of my own wish and desire rather than resigned acceptance. The mantra is: Just let go and move on.

What would you do?

If I were to die today
Would you look at me?
And think of those times
When it was just you and me
A smile cross your heart
And let a silent tear fall

Would you grieve for me?
Through the autumn and spring
No season right without me?
Look at our faded memories
In your heart
And hold them closer?

Just bored

In the end does any of this even matter?
Perhaps it does. perhaps it does not. Its always at the end, when you get to know the answer.
Maybe it matters just so that you can complete the journey to get to those answers.
And if you are not interested in getting answers, just raising questions seems to give a sense that all of this does matter.
Why then, am I still inclined to ask,"Does it really matter?"
Too bored to contemplate...

Random wish

On the beach
Where the waves crash
I see, I wait
Is it time yet?
The waves are not fierce enough
Nor the beach cold
The wind is still calm
Not a gale thorough
I wait still
The time is yet to come
For darkness to be entrenched
And for the storm to brew
And for me to look into your eyes
And just..wish you

The Swine Flu Break

The past weeks have been nothing of a law school trimester; certainly not the forced holidays due to ‘swine flu’ creating a name for itself in areas around law school.
The holidays were good. A welcome offer from Harini led to an early morning ride to the train station with the hope of getting me a ticket to Coimbatore. The line at the ticket counter was long; long enough to warrant me to look at the clock and calculate my chances. With Harini already on the train, I was thinking that I might need to take a bus from the bus stand which was just opposite the train station. Thankfully, the train was 15 minutes later than what I had expected and the man at the counter gave me my ticket as well as the necessary directions and told me to hurry. I caught my train, short of breath but on time.
The journey was uneventful. I fell asleep but awoke every other hour to see whether it was already 1 pm. I DID NOT want to land in an alien place in Tamil Nadu and dutifully, we got off at Coimbatore.
Luckily enough Coimbatore showed me what I wanted to see; hills and that too so close by. Felt a lot like home. And that too with days filled with contemplation and sleep...loads of it and good food. It was like getting some time to be fully re-charged except that law school tends to finish off the charge rather fast:(
Coimbatore city itself was good with strangely long buses, lack of parking spaces but places for good filter coffee and authentic North Indian food. The city also had lots of old houses. I also developed a taste for banana chips and authentic Tamil rasam. The time spent in Coimbatore was memorable especially the interaction with Harini’s family.
Next stop was Chennai. After biding adieu to harini and her family for the great time, I took a night bus to Chennai, I saw my first tamil movie (thankfully it had subtitles) on the bus. Though the songs were peppy and the storyline somewhat different, the lyrics of the song seemed to make no sense in English. The entire journey was spent in silence, as my co-passenger seemed to prefer only Tamil whereas I had to admit my complete ignorance of the language despite some words that I picked up in Coimbatore.
Chennai brought to me a harsh reality that I thought I had left behind in Bangalore; bargaining with the auto-rickshaw drivers. Although Varun had quoted a price of around 150, I had to settle for 180 from a starting price of 250.The auto-rickshaw driver kept on repeating that it was morning and hence the higher price. After a half an hour journey, I arrived at Varun’s place and also had my glimpse of the sea at Eliot Beach along the way.
Even before I could greet his parents and grandma, I was greeted by his huge labrador named Tara. Thankfully she was friendly and I had to make her the exception to my fear of dogs and soon we were good enough to be friends.
After having lunch, me and Varun went to Marina beach but soon we got bored. Then we decided to go on the search for Fort St. George, which Varun said was pretty close by. Thus, the walk started. Then it stretched and finally we tired and had to call for help. And funnily we were just some 100 metres from the fort. After giving some information, we entered the fort premises which also functioned as the Secretariat. Just roaming around, we saw some old walls and gates.
As we left the premises, we were in for another shock. Where had we come out? We were at a train station and could not locate the entrance. Another call for help and finally we were able to have lunch, buy some books and head back home.
Evening brought the arrival of Prateek from Bangalore, who had his own share of arguments with the auto drivers with the reason being that it was evening this time around!!
Two more days of perfect lazing around with football on the beach and dinner at a nice restaurant with Vaun's lovely parents brought to culmination our stay at Chennai. We even managed to get wet in Chennai which changed our perception of Chennai, but only for a day because the next day was again very humid.
Finally returning back to law school, the normalcy seemed to return slowly at first and then faster and within a day or two, it felt like law school again.
Looks like the holidays after the trimester should be devoted to roaming around Karnataka.