To 2011

As the year 2010 passes us by, this year, there is to be no summary of the losses and wins and no accounts of the 'yet to be done'. Neither am I going to write a list of new resolutions.

Hoping that the year 2011 will be defined by a smiling face, and a poem written by Kipling; one that has always stirred and inspired me, and was reminded of recently by a good friend.

If' (Rudyard Kipling)

If you can kep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think- and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you have spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things, you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch and toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
or walk with Kings- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes, nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:

if you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And- which is more- you'll be a Man, my son!

'

Web Love

Inspired by my friend Moares' take on super short fiction.

_________________________________________________________

He saw her every day. 

Initially, nervous and hesitant, with time, they opened up to each other. After a hard day’s work, her voice was music to him. They talked of books, music and the people’s revolution. Before long, they were in love and every little incident did more to cement that. They were inseparable.

Then, he got married in Kathmandu; to someone he had actually met in person. The snowflakes in London matched her tears. He never saw her online again.

New Name?

I remember searching for a name for my blog. I believe it started out with 'lost in translation' which was discarded even before being used. The blog started out with something similar; in the form of "Lost in transition". To be frank, both the titles were pretty cliche, but the title did seem to have an element of truth in it.

I don't know when exactly but the name then changed to "Confused Carkey". It sounded different, at least at that point of time. And also like an upgrade; you know from being lost to finally confused. Lasted quite a while, but now it seems time for another change. Confusion does not exactly sound like me anymore. Time for another upgrade :).
When? As soon as I think of a new name!

Stop Gap

hello, if you have just landed, this is not how my blog normally looks like, and if you have re-landed, you would know.

In the middle of a template fix; so this is a stop gap arrangement; before I can figure something out ( or rather ask someone with higher technological capacity to figure something out!).

Chuck it!

Cracks in the china...

Back to a sine wave

Life is back to being a sine wave; Much more steady though this time and still enjoying the process. :)

Hope

Streams of silence
Broken by that hollow log
Hope they called it
Floating down the stream

A moment too late
Or a moment too soon?
Time stood; bated
Hope they called it
Hollow; Clutching
With you
Floating down the stream

Away; without much ado
Holding it dear; Sometimes
Underwater you go
Yet afraid of letting the hollow go;
Uncertain you head
Hope they called it
Floating down the stream of silence.

Book 'Life'

Just finished 'A fine balance' by Rohinton Mistry. 

Besides, being a wonderful book, seems just like the perfect book right now, in keeping with the pace of current life. 

Good Times

As third year advances, finally this place feels more like home.

Finally settling down, I guess! :)

Bambooed! As of now :)

Dire straits

Amid drops of dew

Early mornings

Staring back at you

Moorish eyes

And hawkish views

Loss of ideas

Quite a few...quite a few!

Circle

Its really a circle, innit?
Hopping from one to the other
but never far
too far
to move away
tangentially
to meet once
and then never again
Running around
Back
Wishing those soothing words
And seeing them transform
into nothingness
Make believe innit?
Almost got me though
Still
I say that
Within the circle
Its still a circle, innit?

Nice Songs

Listened to two songs recently.
Liked them immensely.
Hands of Time by Groove Armada
and
Lay your burden down by Audioslave

Discreet

Recently, I was on one of those confess and crib monologues of mine; the kind where words fly out faster than I can think of them and the thought process seems both clear and hazy at the same time.

Right in the middle, just as the ranting ended and the cribbing part was about to start, R looked up.

Now R is normally a very good listener to my rants and usually offers the occasional word or two at appropriate times. Expecting the same,I was surprised to hear him ask, "But why do you tell it to everyone?" 

I did not have an answer then but it set me thinking about the need to be discreet. Perhaps, I should have been more discreet! Perhaps not. 

But that set the tone for the day.

Adequate exercise of discretion with regards to information sharing is key and mum is the word for now!

As for conversational issues, not much progress but 

Still optimistic though!

The Present

Life is a sine wave right now.

Twittery blogging

Recently,my blogging has become short, almost twittery. As usual things are plenty to write about, but procrastination has caused me to be swamped by a lot of last minute stuff, Hopefully, this too shall pass and normal services on the blog will resume.
Hanging on, just about!

Pretense

Rekindled
Stoked perhaps
But nothing
No result
Only
Pretense?
And a wounded pride
Cruising along
Letting it be
Letting it go
Nothing to show

The Heart

" A parting goodbye to those lingering doubts; do not come back to haunt me again; The pain is gone and only the bliss remains"


Lies in your depths
Every beat, every step
Full of lies
Or, half truths
As you might say
That spring of zero six
Sweet nothings
As it crooned to my ear
You promised forever
No other face
Just your smile
And you would lie
No matter what
But then,
Time passed
Seasons changed
It felt different, but
Same again
Another face
In its place
Apprehensive I am
But fall in line
It’s you, my heart
Treachery thine!

Books

Re-read 1984, discovered Sea of Poppies and just finished Shantaram. Amazing books.

Wish

A lot of wrists and a lot of threads.We do not have Rakhi at home, not so popular anyway but the number of empty wrists are few today. Makes me wish I had one too!

New Stuff

New things are happening and hopefully they shall be good.
Fingers crossed for now!
More shall follow once I am done with tomorrow's exams.

Language Again...

Today, I attended a 3 hour introductory session by Lawrence Liang,on Law and the literature. The entire session was interesting. However, what hit me the most was the introductory point; the limits of language are reached when emotions are extreme, especially in the case of pain. When you want someone to understand and none of the words are correct enough.
Almost along the lines of one of my previous post on the inability, nay limitations of words.

More on the issues of the session later.

Don is Lost

Don's room, his bed but a different man.:)
Attempt to recreate the Don effect.
Still in awe and much behind.

His RIver

Some lines for my Assamese friends; for their river and the way of life that is perhaps the end of a 'time'.

His River

On the banks of his river
He stands; A net in hand
Not any river
But the mighty Brahmaputra
Generations
Have called it home
The mighty Brahmaputra
Melancholy; he stands
The Ahom fisherman
Last of his line
Fated; Or Cursed?
To see the river die
His sons are far away
And they shall never know
The love and the pain
Of the patient stirrings
The legacy
Of the mighty Brahmaputra

Ceasing Words

Words, words everywhere and not one seems so right. I know; blame it on the age, the mix of idealism and hormones tempered by booze perhaps? Or the sheer absurdity that things are. But the words are never sufficient enough to express the state of mind; agreed, its pretty close but there is always something missing.

Every song I hear, every story I read, the lyrics, emotions that run on my sleeve and a quixotic heart give me impetus to write. I know there is something stirring; perhaps a symphony? But no, the words just do not do justice to the thought, to the immensity of the idea.

What, next? Perhaps I could try going a notch lower and just aim to get the flow going. A look at the blue sky and the ever changing cloud forms? Or the cool breeze coming through the window and the beautiful girl sitting beside the window? Or the silhouette imprinted in my memory of the one that got away?

Some random lines emerge; albeit painfully. The pen treads with caution lest the flow is stopped but still the verses look bland, empty and meaningless with a compulsion to rhyme.

"Oh the blue sky
And a bird so high
The wind so blows
And beauty it shows"

Damn, this is not what I want to write. Yes, i know they are rhyming and may pass off as some form of petry, but??? Brings me back to the original emotion, the stirring and the passion. Almost universal emotions and what can i write more? Every heartbreak has had a song and encounters of passion are plenty. is there something new I can add and something that can be a creation of beauty?

Perhaps, i can write about me. But then, that would be a memoir. Damn, it would take a lot of time to write. Besides, who would want to read my memoirs anyway? Not even me, at least not now.:)

The words are ceasing. Time now then to abandon the books; for everyone of their creators had their own world to see. Time to see the world, with a keener eye, observe and feel and then perhaps words will be enough to describe these feelings, to ascribe them some value and meaning.

Till then
The sky is still blue
Have not yet found a clue
To differentiate my emotions
Into disparate shades and hues

You & Me

Relief?
A wayward jump
Into unguarded visions
Delusion?
Filled to the brim
With hopeful dreams
Starlit skies;
Bright
Expectation?
Only to find
A mirage
On oasis land
Perfection?
Encased in layers
Of stealth & sly
With a cloak of false;
False emotions?
Ah, You & me
Just a twirl of lies
Bound
By a starnge connection.

Random Travels: Goa, Pune, Bombay

Recently I went to Goa, Pune and Bombay during the holidays. It was a different experience and thoroughly enjoyable.
It was the beginning of the off season and so I thought, why not Goa? After dithering for 2 days and failing to convince Jitu, I and VP set off for the fabled land. As train tickets were pretty hard to come by, we took a bus from Anand Rao Circle near Majestic.
As expected, the bus was less than half full. It really seemed to be the off season. After a ride of almost 13 hours, we arrived at Panjim at around 9 in the morning. Unsure of what to do, we sucummed to the lure of a taxi driver’s version of the beaches and decided to base ourselves somewhere near the beaches.
After looking through a couple of places, the driver grew exasperated and finally landed us on Pedro’s Guest House, near Calangute beach. It was not bad for 500 a night though I still felt the rate could have been bargained further.
After freshening up, we hired a Kinetic scooter and started exploring. Although I had a map of Goa, we hardly used it. The roads were pretty much straight forward and there were signs all around. We headed off to Baga, and then Vagator and Morjim. The beaches were good, and there was a hint of rain in the winds. Soon, we were down on fuel and strangely the nearest petrol pump was quite far away and we had to buy petrol from roadside vendors who sold them in 1 litre mineral water bottles.
It rained and it was fun riding the scooter with the drops of rain on my face.
The next days turned out to be pretty much the same. We went off to Vasco and also explored Panjim and Old Goa. And surprisingly everytime I rode, it rained while the moment VP took over, the rain gods eased things. Seemed like he had a secret pact with them!!!
Despite being the off season, there were a lot of Indian tourists; perhaps students like ourselves hoping to get a good deal during the off season. Finally on the 3rd day, I left for Pune from Mapusa around 7 in the evening.
I was in for a rude shock. I had booked a ticket on a sleeper bus. It was only when I boarded the bus did I realise that I had to share the seat with a complete stranger. Believe me, it was not fun. The guy just would not shut up!!!(I know, I am pretty much the same, but you have to take my word for it, he was just way too much.) After an ‘engaing’ discussion on organic chemistry and learning English, he finally decided he wanted to sleep. And the space just was not enough.
After a bumpy ride, and a solemn promise never to board a ‘sleeper’ again, I alighted at Swar Gate station, Pune. Got to my friend’s place at Kothrud. The next two days were spent just lazing around. Rode his Apache 180, which was quite powerful and went to places like the Osho ashram, Kayani bakery; had awesome Biryani and Cad-B.
I liked Pune, especially how it still retained that small town feeling while maintaining itself as a growing city. Besides, the bada pavs were both cheap and tasty!!! Sad, i have not found such an eatery in Bangalore yet. A search for this trimester perhaps!!
Next stop was Bombay. Went to Mihir’s place at Thane. Awesome place, especially the scenery from his apartment. His parents were awesome too and I also got some wonderful home food for the first time.
Bombay was fun. Saw the Taj and all. Most importantly loved the thing called Queen’s necklace; the view from the side of the sea. Listening to the waves; that was peace man. Made me want to live there, work there. But then, the place is expensive as well. Still, some day:)
The local train was also quite an experience, especially taking the last local for the day. The hustle bustle of the day contrasted with the silence of the night.
Finally, I have visited the big 4 Indian cities. Hopefully the remaining 3 years in India will involve a lot more of these travels!!

Shuffle Through

"Many rivers to cross
But I can't seem to find my way over
Wandering I am lost"

Its surprising how sometimes the shuffle function plays songs that relate so sweetly to your thoughts.

Randomness of Life!

Timing

Recently read a blog post about the need of timing; to find the perfect time to walk away and the time to turn back and mend your bridges.

Seems to be the case now; nadir seems not enough, yet bliss like never before. Confusion of another sort?

Time to change?

Some lines trying to portray the journey of an insurgent

To the self
Split up and confused
Dismembered beyond recognition
Change Perhaps
For a new vision.

Imagination astride
A new wave of motion
Far up, high in the skies
Stars; As if
Rational choices put up
Like points on a dart board.
Inviting; Seemingly close

Eyes closed; options anew
The stars are gone; darkness renews
Spoilt for choices once & now?
Not a fatherly voice to follow
Bearings lost; confusion rising
Books I held once
Bullets lay there now
Paths once dreaded
Now I tread

The stars have returned
not on the skies; But
On the bandana of my forehead
On the barrel of my gun
Dismembered beyond recognition
from the child I was
time ripe
For another change, A new vision

For this?

Some general lines on the political situation of my country.

Why? How? All of this??
Justify

The cacophony rises
Increasing
As if in tempo
The crescendo;
Not of music
But voices

Questioning
The leader in red
The general in green
The minister, with his
daura suruwal and cap on

The price of lives?
Thousands
Thrown into the pyre
Of dreams and change
Revolution
Some agreed, fully joyous
For others
Thrust upon

Either way,
Voices lots
and
Voices lost

A safe landing, agreed upon
The ones with the cap huddle down
Faces change, seems to be the same devils around
Demands change, people hit the crowds
Differing dreams, shattering lives
What has it come to?

All of this,
Has not come to naught
But
The pie has yet to come
Legitimate shares and years of toil
Oppression and change
Justice and Freedom
heavy words

live and let live, say some
but on what to live?
Two square meals hard to come by
For us to live, you have to let live
Confusion, Obligations and personal choices
Differing people, differing voices

What next? Nobody knows
Status quo?? Why the lives?
Justify
Questions start
The men huddle together
Red becomes green with the cap on
Merged into one, they carry on

Questions left
No one left to answer though
the ones at the helm
have had the change
No need now, for them to push on
Except for their own needs

Thousands, blood spilt
All over our hills
For what?? For this?
Words are less to express
The anguish
Of a future
where more lives seem to be going
to the pyre
For what?
For this???

Spurred by the rain?

An attempt, still incomplete. I dont know what exactly I was thinking about when I wrote this, so perhaps its best left uncompleted, as of now.

Falling rains on my window sill
Its cold; but not yet a chill
And there I am
Waiting for it to happen
Cause, I can hear lightning strike
Somewhere far away
Where the chill has set
So baby, baby lets get wet

Perhaps its time
To open the gates
And let in,
squeeze in,
flood in
All those feelings pent up
Stored, thrown away

[Falling rains..not yet a chill.] x 2

Confusion

My idea of trying to move away from the subject of love, parting and other similar fleeting emotions to writing something dark. Although, as the title suggests (both of the blog and the post, the emotions are confused but hopefully, it is dark enough to screaaaaaam along.


Confusion, Confusion
Up in Smoke, The whole Road
Complete Stretch
Burning...Burning

Blackened soot, Burning souls
Bleating voices, All around
Nothing but
Confusionnnnnnnn

Dark Clouds, Raining fire
Dying souls, Pleading
Pleaaading..
For their lives
Its the end, Plenty Change
Pleaaading...Pleeading

Confusion...
Darkness reigns, Lord’s prayer change
Oblation, Deep Dark red
Everywhere, Symbols new
Our Lord is, known to us few
Darkness..Darkness
Voices scream, Chaos
Confusion...Darkness

A Fool's Love

Another of the class posts, this time a take on this elusive emotion called love. Omnipresent yet surprisingly absent, the lines below reflect a melancholy past of me, hopefully more joyous in the future.

Its all in there
The story says it all
The start and the end
Everything, said and done
Every word
Every step
Every mark
That you made
Its all in there
Its just a fool’s heart
A fool’s world
A fool’s mind
Its only
A fool’s love

Classroom Musings/ Incomplete Lines

Some random lines penned in class and being posted during class.

____________________________________________________________
We were on a run
through the bush fire burn
Black clouds in the sky
There was a fire raging on.

Thumping heartbeats,heard so loud
Audible through the crowd
Of lions, tigers, blood eyed hounds

Razing through the jungle
Razing through our hearts.

_____________________________________________________________
The sweet drama of youth
Innocence not yet lost
Such sweet dreams
Of places to visit
And lives yet to live
_____________________________________________________________

When Things were not so bad
And hopes were high
Prudence
You called out
______________________________________________________________

Online Rumblings of the Nepali psyche

The past week has been frantic in the Nepali cyberspace, with youths voicing their opinions in their own ways. Everyone is talking politics. Siddharth Bhai writes about why he opposed the Maoist strike and joined the peace rally, whereas Darshan di talks about the inherent hypocrisy of the peace rally. Then, Sailesh Dai with his new Bikalpa movement brings much needed thought clarity with his neutrality towards the Maoists and his open letter to Prachanda, the chairman of the Unified Communist Party of Nepal(the official name of the Maoist party.)

I am sure, there are a lot more of these discussions going on. Hoping for a positive outcome from all of this.

A lot to think, reflect and retrospect. Should get down to it, once the exams get over.

DRAFTING OF THE NEW CONSTITUTION: WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?

This article aims to look at how the process of drafting the new constitution for Nepal has been derailed which is proved by the public acknowledgements of the leaders expressing their inability to write the constitution by the proposed deadline of May 28, 2010. This article does not look at other socio- political considerations regarding the empty promise of making a ‘New Nepal.’
The idea of writing a constitution through constituent assemblies represents a truly democratic way of fulfilling the aspirations of the citizens. As the elections to the Constituent Assembly also had provisions for a proportional representation, it was the most representative elected lot in Nepal’s history. It was also charged with a historic duty; to right centuries of wrong, to bring peace and usher in an era of equality, not only in token service but in true spirit. It was a historic occasion and truly the expectations were high in the immediate aftermath of the elections.
The initial hiccups of government formation perhaps showed the way and it has been mostly downhill since then for the 601 member Constituent Assembly of Nepal. A draft has been prepared minus several important aspects and critical issues are still unresolved. Even now, the focus is on a government change, with the drafting seemingly a secondary task. Where then, did we go wrong?
The first and perhaps the main problem that arose was the dual function of the Constituent Assembly as a legislature and a body for drafting the constitution. This should have been addressed right at the beginning itself. However, as a result of this, we have the Constituent Assembly working more as a normal legislative body. What has not been recognised is the unique position and privilege that has been afforded to the politicians to shape the lives of generations to come with a better constitution. Governments have been formed and changed, alliances broken and merged again without any respect to this crucial function of actually getting down to writing the constitution. What could have been, and in all honesty, should have been done was to have different people elected to the two bodies in the initial elections so that the Constituent Assembly could focus solely on the work of writing the constitution. The dual role of the Constituent Assembly to govern as well as write the constitution has been a major stumbling block.
Next, we come to the issue of independence. The Constituent Assembly seems to have no independence at all, especially when it comes to dealing with sensitive issues like federalism and issues of identity markers like language and reservation. All the decisions are made by a group of leaders from the different political parties. As such, this results in a complete disrespect for the will of the people and an imposition of a compromise view of a few political leaders. “Why need the Constituent Assembly when all the decisions will be made by a coterie of leaders as a last minute compromise “This situation is especially worsened when there are no clear policy lines of the different parties with regards to such sensitive issues. Thus, lack of a clear guiding policy with no independence has hampered the work of the Constituent Assembly.
The jumbo size of the Constituent Assembly has come in for much criticism. However, considering the scale of the task, the number is not too large. The problem however has been the mismanagement of these numbers. When issues regarding the new divisions of the country have been aprt of active discussions, there hardly seems to be enough willingness on the part of the Constituent Assembly members to explore newer options or go for a larger public interaction and collection of opinions. Newer ideas have not been encouraged and neither have Constituent Assembly members thought outside the party lines. Besides, many of the members do not attend the Constituent Assembly regularly with the list being headed by the top leaders of the different political leaders. There seems to be a serious lack of intent. This lack of intent is seen in the critical issues like language, federalism, distribution of resources where there is lack of a proper background check as well as a lack of alternatives. Thus, issues which need clarification have ended in a stalemate with no clear solution in sight.
In Nepal, there has always been a habit of getting things done at the last moment. Although, the job gets done, it results in a less than average end product. An example could be the Interim Constitution, which is supposed to have been drafted in less than 15 days and as such is a fractured mosaic of different constitutions around the world. However, it is not specific to Nepal and as such; there has been a need to have a better constitution which tracks the aspirations of the Nepali people.
The Constituent Assembly has representation from all the different walks of society along with experts on law, gender and other specific areas. It has the requisite number and required expertise and experience. What it needs however is complete independence and a clear focus and the support of the different political parties. Solutions should be found out on critical issues, without wasting time. Attempts to unravel controversial issues through different perspectives should be made. The goal is the drafting of a new era constitution, one that will set the country on to a better path; one that is populist as well as practical, and one that is able to lay the foundations of a better Nepal. If this does not happen then the next six months will still not be enough for a new constitution and the division in Nepali society might just become irreparable. The need for consensus, political will and clarity leading to action in a positive direction has never been more. Hopefully Nepali people's resilience and the wish for peace along with increasing political realisation and awareness will spur the political establishment and the Constituent Assembly to action.

Foreign Nationals: Milking Cows??

Prologue: The fee structure at NLSIU for foreign nationals being on the higher range, I ask for and receive permission to pay my fees in three instalments. Some days before the exam in the third trimester, a notice calls out some numbers in class of which, yours truly, the author is one.
___________________________________________________________________________
Scene: Registrar’s Office, NLSIU.
In a spacious room sits the Registrar, looking over the list. “ID” he asks gruffly. I see Padma maam smiling in the background.
“1656, Sir.”
“528 Rupees”
By then , I had realised that this notice was due to remaining dues owed to the college.
“But Sir, I have paid all of my dues. In fact the problem is that the administration has suddenly changed the rules regarding the rate of exchange.” I strive further to explain my situation. “ Sir, I had paid my fees in 3 instalments and it was agreed that the rate of exchange would be as according to July 1, 2009 for the academic year July, 09- June, 10. Hence, tweaking with the rates in between the academic year would be a retrospective application. Hence sir, I think this is wrong Sir.”
“What, how is this wrong? We are giving you the facility to pay in instalments. In fact we should be allowed to take interest from you. Who are you to use legal arguments?” The registrar started fuming with rage.

“If I may, Sir, please”, I tried to cut in with whatever little knowledge I had learnt from the university selection of the negotiation rounds, but he was hell bent on continuing. I still managed to talk about how the Finance Officer had agreed to my arguments, but I don’t think I got through to him.
“We will not allow you such instalment facilities from next year. Then we shall see.”
“Ah, yes,” I thought. “Paying twice the amount of Indian students was already a burden coupled with its exchange into Nepali currency and that too all of it to be paid at once. I knew my parents could not pay all of it at once. So I had no option but to keep quiet and listen to his rampage.
Suddenly, his eyes went to my shorts. It’s rare that i wear shorts to class but the increasing heat coupled with my increasing mass makes it all the more necessary to wear them.
“What are these? And what is with this getup? From now on, i do not want to see you in the academic block with shorts on.” I kept on listening to him going on about shorts and decency for a while.
Then, he looked at me and asked, “So?”
“So, what?” I wanted to say but decided the better option would be to keep quiet.
He asked again, “Are you going to pay or not?”
As if I had an option. Of course I was going to pay, especially with the threat of not allowing me any concessions the next year and the psychosis of not alienating this powerful God of law school.
“Yes, I will pay, SIR”
I still see Padma Maam smiling in the background.
___________________________________________________________________________
Epilogue:
I go around the academic block and meet some other foreign national students who have been asked to pay an extra amount to have their dues cleared, despite paying the entire amount at the starting of the year. I do not understand how this is possible, how you can change your policy in the middle of the academic year to affect something that has already been done. And to talk of policy, there is no policy, there is nothing written down, ther are no rules. It all depends upon the whims and fancies of the people in authority who somehow cannot stand a student replying back to them, no matter how correct the other person might be.
It seems correct now why people say that in law school, you need to start kissing asses. If this is supposed to be where we learn what the law is, what justice is, do we not deserve to see it in application? It is funny how we strive for democracy in the State and end up kowtowing to a hierarchical whimsical system in our daily lives.

Nothing left to talk

How things change and people move away, and how relationships change from being able to say the most random things and useless gyan for hours to formal hi(s) and whats up in life things. The normal nature of life, yes; but sometimes hits you just that little bit harder.

Priorities

Two conversations, overheard outside the Mess, sometime around midnight.

Scene 1
"I think generally the quality is lower in litigation than at corp. jobs."
" Not necessarily."
And then a bit of London, Luthra, jobs etc.

Scene 2
"If you have the light sabre, you do need the force."
"True, true" And the nodding of head in affirmation.

Strange, the different types of conversations, one gets to listen to at Law School, perhaps different people, differing priorities.

On Chesil Beach

Ian McEwan's "On Chesil Beach" is definitely a very well written book, in fact on my scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest, it deserves at least a 9. It is simple, yet effective, uncluttered by a maze of complex characters, it has its own complexities and subtle meaning.

Set in the early 1960s, it shows the wedding night of Edward and Florence, who come from quite different backgrounds and have met quite by chance. However, their courtship has been a restrained one, and Edward has been waiting, restraining himself for this very night. What he does not know is that Florence has an abhorrence towards sex, a feeling that she cannot describe, yet that she cannot completely escape from.

McEwan takes us through the two characters. Edward is a historian whereas Florence is a violinist, and she is at ease with her music, rather than the outside world. They have differing backgrounds and Edward is accepted into Florence's wealthy family and is offered a job by his father in law.

The setting is Chesil Beach where the couple have gone for their honeymoon. there is a strain and both of them proceed slowly. There is caution and confusion. Florence, tries to continue on, to give in to the man she loves otherwise and very deeply so. However, things do not work out as planned, and she runs away to the beach, disgusted by his excited premature ejaculation, over her body.

Unknown to her, Edward is a virgin too. As Edward contemplates, he feels rage overpowering him and insult, moving back to times where he enjoyed fights as a country boy, long before he moved into 'cultured' company. He follows her to the beach, where after venting some pent up rage, Florence proposes to live together but freely. Edward is disgusted with this and lets her go back.

The story then moves fast forward, where they divorce and Florence becomes a famous musician. Edward on the other hand has a failed marriage, and forgets all about his early yearnings to write about mystical cults in history. he has heard of her fame, but he does not look her up, instead preser ving his memories of her, as he knew her and as he loved her.

McEwan shows how it was patience that Florence asked of Edward and how she had never loved him more than when she left him and if he had but spoken, she would have stayed. How things would have been different. To quote McEwan himself, "All she had needed was the certainty of his love, and his reassurance that there was no hurry when a lifetime lay ahead of them. Love and patience - if only he had had them both at once - would surely have seen them both through."

Awesome writing!!!

Governance in Nepal

As usual, nobody stticks to a decision in Nepal. The government makes a decision (despite opposition), only to see more opposition and PILs filed, and retracts to the original position. A loss of time and face.
Bad governance.

http://www.myrepublica.com/portal/index.php?action=news_details&news_id=17351

When we were young

Once we were young too,
And the skies looked new
Nothing seemed far,
Problems few.
Once we were young too,
Raring to go
Nothing to stop us,
Idealistic so.

Oh when we were young
Such ideas we had
And belief we held
In a world so mad

Seasons changed
Perhaps we were still young then
Did the vista look different?
Ideals still intact
Detached however
Unprepared we seemed
Suddenly
Caught out unawares
By the ugly one
Rearing, Feeding
Just inside
Making it known
Of a new ride

Of a ride so high
That ideals just tumbled by
Flew by, shredded to pieces
Bother to collect?
And sigh
Of a youth gone by
When ideals were high
And desperation nigh
No, not yet
No Stopping by

Once we were young too
Tinted visions
Sunny skies?
A collective rise?
An echo unheard
Yet a painful sigh
Bother to wait and collect
Perhaps reflect
In this maddening world
Of a time
When we were young?

A case of the Randoms

Not so long ago, I read somewhere about the downward trend in blogging. Suddenly blogging was not cool anymore and networking sites like twitter and facebook seem to have taken over.Seems true.

Blogging does take a bit of time, at least in the relative sense compared to a status message update on facebook or twitter and the like, thought the comparison is strictly with regards to writing.

Writing; whether generally or on a blog does release a lot of angst, which is in abundance during the college years. But this angst takes its toll on the quality of the writing, although generally enhancing the quantitative output. Quality suffers especially with the general meandering sense of direction resulting perhaps, in a shift of creativity. Though serving a useful purpose, it sometimes takes away the beauty of the writing.

But is this necessarily true? A lot of wonderful writing has been produced during moments of pain, suffering and angst. For one, Bob Dylan seems to be at his best, when his personal life is at its worst."Shelter From the Storm" never ceases to touch my soul and give a wonderful sense of calm.

Maybe it is best to go back to angst and the direction that it should be taking. A cursory (or even detailed in some cases) look at the self help books show them to be talking about similar things such as focus, direction and perseverance. Simple things, yet a source of monetary windfall for those who have put it down on paper. An example yet again of a proper direction. Not that, I believe or claim the focus of these people are a result of angst and anxiety. But mortals without such worldly troubles are but a chosen few.

See, started to write about something and ended up writing something else.perhaps a reduction in angst :) but a decrease in quality; perhaps an increase in quantity but nonetheless nothing creative yet. A need to have a direction.

PS: A self help book might just be on the way, especially to go with the Arindam Chowdhury look.:)

Just Like that

Just settling in, perhaps a bit more focused and things looking for the better.
A lot to write and newer things to ponder.:)
Hopefully Soon and good things shall follow.

The Mooting Experience

-"Submitted your projects?"
-"Ya Dude."
-"Both?"
-" I only had one dude."
-"1???"
-"Moot, man."
-"Oh!"

For quite a while talks such as this were a reminder to me that I had a moot coming and that it was the reason I was being exempt from a project and giving only two of the exams.(Well, having to study for two subjects during the holidays is not fun though!!). However, this entire mooting thing was yet to hit me seriously, you know, in the way that you see all the stud mooters always discussing about their moot issues, problems, arguments and cases. In a way, I was almost relaxed.

Too relaxed, it turned out to be, for suddenly there seemed to be no time and a lot of work left. Backed by the spirit that no matter what surely, things will get done, with lots of hard work, lots of help from friends and seniors, finally we had the memo in hand and were ready to go to Trivandrum.

During the train journey, Adhiti, the other speaker of our team wanted us to practice a bit. Since, our oral practice was virtually nil, I had no option but to comply :). Thankfully, I had to go back to my berth when the doors between the AC and Sleeper section closed and I had a wonderful sleep.

Landing at Trivandrum, the day passed by before anything substantial could be done. KLA was a beautiful place and the students seemed genuinely enthusiastic. Of course, the name tag NLS brought with it awe and also snide comments.After the opening ceremony and the draw of lots, we were asked to argue for petitioner in the first round the next day.

As our lodgings was at a considerable distance from the campus, I managed to get only an hour of practice and asking Basu to wake me up at 4, I fell fast asleep.

Waking up at 6, we made a rush to the college. Thankfully, ours was the last session and we had asbout 3 hours to prepare. Did I just say, thankfully? Well, the waiting hours stretched and nervousness turned to confidence and then back in equal measure. It was then, I realised the intense pressure of moots and the desire to do better than the other teams there.

Finally, sometime around 3, our rounds came up. Seeing Adhiti speak, I was besides myself with nervousness and before I knew it was my turn to argue. I am still not sure what I argued, but at least it seemed to make some sense and after a while, it felt good to try and convince the judges arguments that I had thought over countless times. Thankfully, the round soon got over and we won it with a pretty good score.

To cut it short, we won the next round too, but did not make it further. I was not sad and realised that this moot had taught me that mooting can be fun too. Besides, it was necessary to focus on the nuances and also on aspects like smiling, speaking cordially and the like. And the whole competition factor made the thing even better. At such places, I realised the respect and the buzz that NLS creates and the need to maintain and excel those expectations.

Thankfully, we won the best memo. It felt good having the best memo among 45 other teams and something to show for the combined efforts of the team. All in all, it was a wonderful experience, topped on by the day at the beach and wonderful hospitality by the KLA people.

Some Questions

No more games, No more lies
Money or love?,
Thats the question I am asking
Am I impossible or magnificient?
Thats the question you need to answer
Its now or never
And I am not playing
Questions, a lot you ask
And answers so many to seek
You don’t remember the last one
Do you?
Of so many things said
And misunderstood
A perennial drought
Or an overflow?
Never one to be caught out
Gone..
Long gone with the flow
Before this one has been answered too
And I am left
With the questions
The one I am asking

Will demand for newer States lead to a disintegration of India?

India is an idea, an aspiration, a belief in humanity and its potential to better itself without resorting to forced top down approaches based on imported ideologies and beliefs. If we look to history, the concept of India has been there for a very long time but India as it is today, with its political structure as a nation State is still in a developmental mode. At present, we have a federal India with a strong Centre and with continuing demands for newer States to be carved out from pre-existing ones.
These demands have often been violent and have seen considerable participation from university students with quite a few number of deaths. In this context, it is but natural to ask the question “Will demand for smaller States lead to disintegration of India?”
The demand for a newer, smaller State should be seen in the light of federalism and thus the recognition of the continued wish to remain within India should be recognised. What is demanded is not secession but inclusion and a recognition of the particular needs of the community demanding the separate State. Thus, the idea of disintegration is in direct opposition to the demand for new States.
Despite the presence of a strong Centre, the model of Indian federalism allows for enough control to the respective States to develop and implement policies for the betterment of their States with regards to subjects like education, employment and the like. Thus, disparate developments within a State based on cultural and linguistic differences seem to be the reason for these demands.
There is strong ground to argue against the formation of newer States based on administrative difficulties and unnecessary expenses due to the small size of these new entities. However, only geography cannot be taken into account and reflects a wrong approach. Examples from European countries, which are very small compared to India, have even smaller areas where considerable autonomy has been given. Examples could include Flanders in Belgium, Catalonia in Spain. Thus, the focus only on the size of the new States being demanded reflects a fundamentally flawed thinking.
On the other hand, given the immense cultural ethnic and linguistic differences in India the fear of disintegration seems plausible. After all, proponents of this theory would argue, the example of the Balkans is right before us. The idea of a Balkanised India is however nothing but a wrong way of countering legitimate claims to aspirations. It is also not taking into account historical realities, political culture and ground realities.
Unlike the Balkans, India despite its multitude of ethnicities, language and culture hardly contains any historical enmities. The idea has been of co-existence and accommodation, unlike the Balkans where unity was opposed due to a particular coercive political system. What is present though is a strong sense of local identity along with and not in place of the pride of being an Indian. Thus, there is a need to allow for the feeling of belongingness and a consolidation of the local identity along with the national identity.
Another argument against new States looks at the domino effect that could follow the formation of the states demanded as of now. In fact the current agitations have led to the rise of dormant demands with Vidarbha and Saurashtra prominent among them. This brings us to question the final number that might be reached and whether this process may throw many more such demands. However to deny legitimate aspirations based on these reasons seem to be the failure of Indian democracy. The executive as well as the legislative should be able to analyse between the demands of the people and the vacuous demands of attention mongers and politicians.
In fact, the smallness of States can lead to better administration. Despite the formation of Uttarakhand in 2000, the Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh Mayawati has asked for the formation of newer States for the sake of better governance.
The not so wonderful performance of the newer States leads people to argue that this process does not augur any economic benefits. However, economic results should not be taken in isolation and should be seen in light of other factors which affect such performance. Besides, it takes time for the newer States which usually do not have much development to attract investors and produce better economic results.
A sense of paternalism is being seen with other people deciding what is best. It should be left to the people concerned. Although such decisions affect the rest of India and other Indians as well, the primary people to be affected are the residents of that particular place.
Rational aspirations and the capacity to fulfil them make a democracy. India is a vibrant democracy and has been due to its citizens. The right to protest and demonstrate forms a part of this nation and has been the fabric of the nation since pre- independence times.
The question of newer States is also a test of India’s democratic credentials, which is among the least tainted one in South Asia and the immediate neighbourhood. The initial demands of State reorganisation based on linguistic basis have not brought about disintegration. In fact, it has allowed for the development of democratic principles.
Despite all the reasons in favour of new States, it is imperative to look for alternatives especially when creation of newer States may lead to more problems than solutions. In this regard, if the demands for States are made by a geographically small area, which is administratively unfeasible, there could be the creation of special districts according to the Sixth Schedule of the Constitution of India.
Hence, the demands for newer States should not be seen as a demand for smaller States leading to a disintegration of India.. Rather it should be viewed in light of its historical, cultural and political scenario reflecting the wishes and aspirations of the people. Only economics cannot be the deciding factor and it should be balanced with the emotion of the people as well.

Another day gone and the monotny carries on.Sigh! When will this end? Dying to see the end of the trimester.

Crash

A dose of reality
With a crash of cards
Destruction
Splashed all over
Struck once again
How paths go awry
And everything just
Crashes down.
No second chances abound
Neither do any happy endings
Just the wind, the fall
And then complete silence.

Indian/Nepali/South Asians- The value of our lives?

Just came back from the common room after catching a bit of the Doha debate where the motion was- 'This House believes Dubai is a bad idea.'
The debate was interesting and I personally felt that with such a specific wording of the motion, the opposition were bound to score a victory which they did with 62 percent of the votes. they discussed finance, education, Arab culture, Emirati rights, discrimination, propaganda etc and lofty grandiose words like how Dubai is a beacon to the world.
All of this was good and interesting, but what really shook me was the lack of apathy and concern for the real builders of Dubai- the migrant workers, most of them from South Asia, working on less than 2 dollars a day in squalid conditions and with so many violations of their rights that it might be worthless to even attempt to count.
Against claims of abuse, the simple answers given were downright degrading.
Numbers were used to show how the few workers might have been exploited but most of the population of Dubai was benefiting from it. to be precise numbers of 1,60,000 against some 4.8 million was used.
No matter what the number, you cannot allow the violation of such rights. if you do, then Dubai is not a beacon to be followed. There are no two ways about it, it is SLAVE labour.
But then another argument comes up. they came out of their own free will and where they come from , they get less than 2 dollars a day.
Yes, we are poor and that forces us to go to Dubai, to work, to provide something for our families. Does that give the companies the rights to exploit these people to the hilt? They are humans too, right? And true they might have come out of their own will, but are they allowed to go back on the same terms? Are they given the benefits as mentioned in their contracts? is a contract even signed?
To use the idea of a free will and abstain from its own responsibilities does show that Dubai is a bad idea for the rest of the Arab world to follow; to be built on slave labour.

Another argument used was the lack of ability of any governments worldwide to enforce all of its laws and all they could do was try. Thus, it was the companies and not the government of Dubai, who bore responsibility for these workers.
What??? The government has no responsibility and it can only try? So, does that mean that if the companies decide to flout other laws, which are detrimental to the vision of Dubai, the architechtural glory, they won't be punished using the same logic?

The debate clearly showed that the value of the life of these migrant workers means nothing to the Sheikhs of Dubai, perhaps it is a reflection of the value of our citizenship.
perhaps, it is power politics and how the relative economic, military clout of one's State reflects in one's treatment.
However, the audience in the debate proved me wrong. There were quite a few Indians and Pakistanis who thought Dubai was a good idea and who were clearly treated well by Dubai. That for me, kicked citizenship out of the issue. Its more about the money.
When you have Burj Khalifa to build, who cares about those poor exploited South Asian labourers? Surely, they dont even matter, right? I wish they had been in the audience and then we would have seen, "Is Dubai really a good idea?"

Randomly Random...if any such thing exists

The title says it all
Its that time of the year where no matter what thoughts seem to be positive and resolutions remembered, akin to a honeymoon period.
New Year was ushered in a random nowhere perhaps in keeping with law school tradition.
And in keeping with traditions of people all around, I ventured into some of my own. No the post is not about my 'wonderful' resolutions or the strain already being felt by such resolutions.
I got a lift on an auto to class today. After never getting one from countless bikers outside Gate 3, a lift on an auto felt awesome. Followed by 4 hours of sleepy lectures. Lunch and 3 hours of sleep as a crumpled heap on the carpet in my room ( where I was supposed to have a power nap of 20 mins), the day is strange. But keeping it in the New year mood, it is still different not depressing.
And there is the music too, always something to lift my mood;something randomly playing in my library and if nothing else there is always Dylan.
Ah but all thoughts and no action made Tom a dull boy, so cannot caontinue longer on my procrastination. Have a team member arrivng from the WUDC at Turkey tomorrow and I am yet to show something substantial on my work.
But as they say, Raat Baaki Baat Baaki.
Off to work!!!

A New Year

This has been a long time coming and hopefully the plan was to usher in 2010 after this post but then it is going to be the first post of 2010..Not bad.

The month gone by seems like a blur as do most things in law school. To quote Sartaj's words, "This too shall pass has lost its meaning in law school." In fact, it has; things come, go and somehow we survive and sometimes drown.

Last month, I was surprised at the amount of interest I had in things political, high even by my own standards of interst in politics and constitution writing back home. Spending an insane amount of time on the internet made me realise the extent of polarisation faced by Nepali society. It is almost like a clear case of black and white without any shades of grey in terms of people's liking and backing for political parties. Issues like providing justice for victims of the Maoist insurgency and the State response are extremely divisive and people have differing logics based on different planes of reasonings, theories and plain emotions of support and hate.

All of this should not have come as a surprise to me, but strangely it did. Contrary to my expectations, these are people who are well read, have an idea of issues both local and international, care for the country and its future and yet have exactly differing opinions on the same issues. Perhaps, it comes down to an issue of social identity and the interests of class or perhaps it is just looking out for a better deal for oneself.

Still, between all of this we have a country which is seeing a rapid exodus of the youth both as students and workers to various countries around the world, a lack of opportunities in the country and a very murky socio-political environment. And then, the task of writing a proper constitution in which people can have belief. Althought he idea is to remain optimistic, Nepal at present seems divided and the division is not only ideological, it is multi layered and crosses over with different fault lines. Ethnicity is an issue and so is gender and language. Caste affiliations are suddenly important. It almost seems as if time is moving backwards, with solidarity being based on terms like ethnicity, caste, language. The fear of national disintegration seems almost true to laugh it off now.

On the positives, we apparently have a lot of political consciousness and an idea of the issue at stake to let peace fail. We know the world has its eyes on us, even the beleaguered UN wants us to succeed so as to show some success or reason for its existence. And big brother India would not want another super troubled neighbour on its borders.

Is there a solution to all of this? Or should there ever be a solution? Because, no matter what we do, society is bound to have issues of some sort or the other at all times. Subjects may change and the substance may differ but there will always be problems for the society to deal with. At present though, the best would be to make efforts to have a vigorous dialogue and involve the citizens much more. At present, everything appears to be stage managed with some top honchos reaching a last minute conclusion. Even the constitution seems to be heading that way; a hastily written last minute compromise.

In a polarised society like Nepal, is compromise then the best way? Where at best, parties will be partly happy and wishing for more and at worst the different actors will feel cheated. I dont know and it seems only time will tell.

Wishing a good year and wonderful days ahead to everyone and especially to my fellow countrymen/women from Nepal.