Moving on..

Life, through its incidents is seemingly becoming a flashback. Every single incident that has caused me to think and question my ideas and beliefs has inevitably been followed by a sense of anguish and hopelessness coupled with despair. Is it a pattern? Its almost as if everything has been planned; the stage has been set, the props have been put up and all I have to do is present my act; and that’s it.
I ask myself. Is it out of my own volition? Or is there a sense of resigned acceptance borne out of a fear; fear of going astray if I may attempt anything on my own? Or is the acceptance of this abyss in dread of avoiding an even darker, deeper one? I do not know.
It’s almost as if I am not attempting a monologue but am talking to someone I do not know but bears a resemblance to the one I knew, a striking one at that. And the attempts to understand this new entity seem to be entirely futile.
It is strange that self pity feels so good at times but even that is offset when after living off its useful life, the same self pity weighs on you. All the whining and crying suddenly just disappear and you understand that you are not the saddest person on the planet and you have more than enough to thank your lucky stars for. That is when self pity truly becomes pathetic.
I guess, in the end it all comes down to a logical conclusion; no matter what whether it makes sense or not, whether you like it or not, you got to move on. There will always be newer challenges and newer projects to look forward to, newer lands to visit and newer people to laugh along. Perhaps it should be out of my own wish and desire rather than resigned acceptance. The mantra is: Just let go and move on.